For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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