____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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