Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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