You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
