Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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