i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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