if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
