just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
