dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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