literally had 100 drinks last night.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
