Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
