OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Buhtt sex?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
