they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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