Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
