apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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