I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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