How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
