Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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