well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
