I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize