i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Holy sore nipples Batman
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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