he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
