I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
