I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
