Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
