I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
