So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
