I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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