can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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