Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize