Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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