All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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