This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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