I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
