You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
