WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
