I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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