He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
