I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
