We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
