Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
