I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
