I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you never un-have a 4some
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
