That's intense
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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