Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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