Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
