I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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