Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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