Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
