ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
