I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
