Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Pooping to opera.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
