yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
