Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
