So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
