wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
