2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
