Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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