508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
