I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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