tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
