she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
