she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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