so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
