can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
