Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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