for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
